TAOISM: Shit happens.
BUDDHISM: If shit happens, it's not really shit.
ISLAM: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
PROTESTANTISM: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
JUDAISM: Why does this shit always happen to us?
HINDUISM: This shit happened before.
CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you're bad.
HARE KRISHNA: Shit happens rama rama.
T.V. EVANGELISM: Send more shit.
ATHEISM: No shit.
JEHOVAH'S WITNESS: Knock knock, shit happens.
HEDONISM: There's nothing like a good shit happening.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit happens in your mind.
AGNOSTICISM: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
EXISTENTIALISM: What is shit anyway?
STOICISM: This shit doesn't bother me.
RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit.
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