photo: phill deason
© 2009
in response to the
farewell prompt at
One Single Impression***
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend,
Common Sense, who lived among us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was; his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain
- Why the early bird gets the worm
- Life isn't always fair
- Maybe it was my fault
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of
- A 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate
- Teenagers suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch
- A teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student
only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. His well-being declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault and finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, spilled a little in her lap, promptly sued and was awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by
- his parents, Truth and Trust
- his wife, Discretion
- his daughter, Responsibility
- his son, Reason
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers
- I Know My Rights
- I Want It Now
- Someone Else Is To Blame
- I'm A Victim
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, tell people; if not, join the majority and do nothing.
PROTESTANTISM: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
